Cricket

So when i opened the front door to let my sister in the house, a gigantic cricket jumped out of nowhere into the house. So me and my sister are freaking out and trying to kill this thing for like 20 mins but it kept jumping around and refused to die. so my 12 yr old brother comes out of the shower and takes a shoe and kills it within like 10 secs. we're both looking like wtf. SOML

Toe Jam

Today, as I was walking out of the bathroom, I slammed my pinkie toe into the wall and collapsed to the floor like i was seriously about to die right there. now, 5 hrs later, if i was to even touch something with it, i feel like i'm gonna die. It looks like a tiny sausage SOML

back on the job hunt

So I was hired at this restaurant and I requested one week off cause I was working college graduations at my other job. So after that week, they didn't schedule me for the next week either or the next. so I called them and asked why I wasn't being put on the schedule and they said "company policy is that if you don't work for two weeks in a row, you're automatically terminated." And they didn't bother calling me to tell me that.....SOML